Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
