Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
