Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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