i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
