dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
home. puking in laundry basket.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
