Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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