I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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