I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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