do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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