god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
