so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
