on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
