I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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