he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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