Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
