So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
