Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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