i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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