I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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