no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
