Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
