Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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