just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just invented taco cereal.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
