Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
