dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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