It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
