My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
