Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
