DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
