we made out on top of his cat.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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