I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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