So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
