I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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