What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
