I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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