Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
