Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
