I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
