hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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