You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
