I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
