all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
