Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
