i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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