I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
