just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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