Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
