Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
