I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
my liver is dry heaving
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
