i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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