If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Drunk is not a location!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
